Rants

The 7 types of people I hate on Facebook

Facebook has become one of the most important part of our online social lives. It helps you connect with your friends and family; you can catch up with all the things happening in their lives. You can meet new people and make new friends. And the list of great things you can do with the social networking website goes on and on. Having been quite an active member of Facebook for a while a now, I’ve grown to passionately hate certain types of people.

1. The ones who have profile pictures of other famous people, kids, pets, cartoon characters.

I see people having profile pictures of other people all the time. Celebrities, sportspeople, kids, cartoon characters, animals, even random shit like a flower vase or a bed pan. I will imagine you look like a shirtless ogre with bad breath and hairy armpits.

2. The ones who post pictures of all the stuff they’re buying.

People buy expensive things all the time. Sure, you’re cool. I’d be pretty excited for you if you’re getting a new motorcycle and posting a picture of it, after you get it. But I don’t appreciate it when you grab a product image from Google Images and post it, saying “I’m gonna get this in a week/month/decade/when I lose my virginity”. You are getting the latest iPad (which will be outdated in exactly a year)? Cool. Check out my latest photo upload, I’m getting a brand new pair of boxer-briefs. Its black in colour and its so soft and comfortable. And my imaginary girlfriend likes it too.

3. The ones who only post inspirational quotes and posters.

Posting random motivational posters and witty (not to mention well-known) quotes all the time shows that you don’t have anything original to say. Go back to where you came from.

4. The ones who comment with “double like” or “super like”.

There’s a very specific reason why Zuckerberg gave you a ‘Like’ button. Clicking on it lets the original poster know that you like it. If you’ve got something more to add, you can add a dandy comment. Just commenting “super like” or “me likey” makes you look like a retarded school kid who’s got something to say for everything. Stop making a fool of yourself and practice writing sentences with three or more words.

5. The ones who spam groups with stupid status messages like “be proud to be an Indian” and shit like that.

These kinds are always asking for controversy. They regularly spam groups and their own walls (yeah, people can spam their own walls when all they post is links to stupid half-assed advocacy groups) with things like “Some Indian dude pissed on some non-Indian dude. Fuck yeah, proud to be an Indian! Share this if you’re a true Indian. If you don’t, I will bombard your wall with such messages until you submit in exasperation”.

6. Guys who like everything a lady friend posts.

These are the ones I really hate the most. These guys have Facebook accounts for one purpose – liking pictures or really any mundane shit that a girl posts. An album with 200 pictures of the girl’s fingernails? ‘Like’ all 200 pictures! Vague attention-grabbing status message? ‘Like’. This also reminds me of this comic.

7. People who use useless apps all the time and then send invitations to everyone in their friends list.

A cousin’s friend was obsessed with Farmville. He used to spend hours on it. He got super-pissed because I didn’t accept his invitation to “become his neighbour” on Farmville. I wished I could kick his ass and ask him to go outdoors. And there’s this special breed of Facebook users that uses stupid collage apps that create an ugly-ass mosaic of profile pictures of all their friends. As if that wasn’t enough, it tags everyone. And then follow the mindless comments and likes from a thousand people I do not know. I remove the tag and mark it as spam for good measure.

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