Inverse Karma

When I was a kid, mom used to tell me at times, “All this can only happen in the movies.” Many a times it happened, I’d watch the idiot box or the big screen in a movie hall, one really smart guy, supposedly a Software Professional, would do things with a computer, earn big bucks, get a really pretty looking girl (at times with a little bit of trouble), and a “The End” would pop up! I would sit and think, maybe this Software thing really is fascinating, I would be a software professional one day and I would do wonders (Yeah I know how stupid that sounds!). Now sitting and staring at a screen, my fingers playing with the keys on a board to make a sweet symphony of tapping sounds, I tend to think, mom indeed was right about this! All that only happened in the movies. In reality, there’s much more to it.
So, my story begins. After months and years of hard work (Yes! I mean hard work) and jumping a few hurdles – starting with kindergarten and ending with a degree certificate in Engineering (I wonder why they call it Engineering! I never really engineered anything nor do I think I ever would!), I finally sit inside an air-conditioned building, on an almost comfortable chair, sipping countless cups of coffee (because I don’t have to pay for it here!) and take pride in calling myself “The IT Guy!”

That’s when I ask myself, “Cut the crap, dude! Who are you?”

The company I work for, supposedly was started by a really talented guy, along with a bunch of other guys, who believed in a certain things and had the foresight and determination to achieve something (phew!). That really is commendable. I salute them. Now this company does wonderful things (totally based on hearsay), with the help of more than a hundred thousand people, for strangers they call “clients”, who actually are sitting oceans away and we simpletons work our asses off to do something the way they want. So, I am forced to believe that I am part of a big tree now. The tree goes something like this – I have a boss, and then he has a boss and then boss’s boss has a boss too and the chain continues. I really don’t know who is on top of the chain I am a part of!

Just after engineering got over, I was so excited that finally I am done with studies and I would actually start to earn! Then, I pack my bags and leave home to enter a totally different world. Now the drama begins. I acquire the knowledge that I don’t know certain things to start working already and my company would make me learn a few things in order for me to go with their requirements (and I thought studies were over, silly me!). Then starts the epoch of a learning new things (again?!?) and I scratch my head and try to familiarize myself with the various Computer languages. An honest feeling I would like to share here. If you can lead me to the guy who invented Computers, I’d kill him. And if he’s dead, I’d wake him up from his grave and then kill him again. I so wish I could turn back time and go to the dark ages. Trust me, I would have absolutely no problems in wearing deer skin for clothes and making fire from stones! And I would get some adventure in hunting too!

Never mind, as I was saying, I started learning new things about computers and was made believe that Computers could work wonders. As if the Computer in itself was less complex, the whole mankind is busy inventing complex things to simplify it! Tell me that! So, I come through months of mugging up and clearing exams to get myself shaped as per the Company’s needs. I once again, become very excited as I would ultimately start working now! My training completes, my company allocates me to one of their development units and I come smiling and hopping to do something useful with my life. Wait, the story doesn’t end yet. This is where I would like to share a very important concept invented by these companies – “the bench”!

It sounds really juicy and tempting at first. The company would actually pay you for doing nothing (yes, it happens!). And slowly but surely, the benchwarmers realize how bad life could be at times. You have to roam around in the company premises without any purpose like you have been disowned and you don’t belong there. People supposedly on bench, do not have any computer at their disposal (yes, no computers for you inside an IT company!), and have to be vigilant all the time as in who would have that glimpse of kindness upon them and would actually let them use their computer. Thankfully there are a few angel figures who get bored of reading e-mails (that is the most important thing happening inside an IT company, trust me!), and move away! But there is one positive thing about being on bench. You actually have a chance to do things, you wouldn’t do otherwise (for example, I am writing this!). Thankfully I am not on bench and would start working for some American godforsaken company soon (no disrespect intended at all)!

Now let me arrive at what people actually do here. I am relatively new and hence some guys are supposed to brief me on what all is being done around me. They have a technical term for this – “induction”. So, there would be a few senior people, who actually are supposed to know everything in detail. But after putting in long hours of thought into it, I realize what actually is going on. Whenever anyone is feeling bored sitting at his cubicle, and has actually nothing to do, that someone would announce it’s meeting time and start talking about the working process. I’ve been victimized twice or thrice till now and the most consistent dialogue in such discussions would undoubtedly be, “Someone will tell you about this later”. That is that! I wonder if you actually weren’t actually going to talk about something relevant, why bother other people about it? Whatever! Shit happens! So, with all the little information I could gather within the first few days, I think I can state that within the technical neighborhood I dwell, there are more than 100 people working together. And the work they do is they send emails and letters on behalf of someone (yeah people actually pay you for that!). Awesome, isn’t it?

Well, I guess I have had enough with bringing out the frustration piling up within me and I should stop now. And I have a humble request to readers of this, please don’t tell my company I wrote this thing or they actually might do something about it, and my career (which I dreamt of as a kid, remember?), would come crashing down before even starting for real.

So, this is me, signing off then.

- The IT Guy!

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